You know something?

I'm a geek. I love sci fi Tv shows and movies, I collect pulp 50's and 60's sci fi paperbacks, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of movies, comics, action figures and anime. I sell overpriced comics and toys to an unsuspecting public. I write scripts for geeky sci fi organizations for their CD dramas and write bad dark fantasy. I am doing nothing at all to make the world a better place.but, I still feel like a better person that George 'Calling me Simian would be an insult to monkeys' Bush.It may be an early sign of me aging, but WHAT the FOOK is up with the world?????

A day off? Huzzah!

Got my council tax bill this morning- fuckers still haven't changed the amount I pay- ITS BEEN 5 FUCKIN' MONTHS YOU TITS! I'M ON MY OWN!!!!! *sighs* I'm off to gripe about them still not giving me my single person's discount now Silvy's in the USA again. it took 'em this long to do owt and now they've done it wrong!!!!Still, I'm making sure today isn't all bad. Posted some ebay stuff and a couple of cheques, stocked up on hamster food and cleaned Sweetheart, Princess and Tanuki's cage out. They're all zipping around like 'WOW, our place doesn't smell like wee now!'I'm gothing the flat up a bit today too- I keep finding flyers and piccies I've not put up so that's cool. Gotta keep active. I'm looking forward to when Silvy gets back and we can start decorating the place totally Japanese! :D Graves park is looking like a good destination later toady too- I could do with a walk. things to think over.Right, I'm off to pay some rent and bitch at the council. Huzzah!

Gubbins

Last night's pubmeet was good fun, despite me having to leave at 10.30 due to being knackered (I'd been out since 7.30am)- nice to see the Batfink types there, and lovely to see Oliver and Chris from Neuvogue too.Oliver tells me PX turned up after I left. Ah well. I'll be there next week- I need the company! I'd go mentla otherwise- work is chuffing me about as ever.I'm slowly but surely getting back into the flow with my non-work related projects, namely the 2 scripts for Fineline productions and the resurgence of my songwriting. I'm gonna complete the 15 minute script for FL before i get really stuck into the full length one, just to warm up. Music wise a few songs are shaping up nicely. I may go with the name 'Discordia' or something similar for it for the goth/darkwave/industrial/whatever project, taken from the comic book concept I brainstomed last year.I'm gonna keep this new outlook. I like it and it suits me. I'm seeing friends old and new whenever I can and pottering away on things that make me happy. takes the edge off how crappy life can be. And hey, there are plenty of people in worse circumstances. I should count myself lucky.

An observation:

Scaring townie youths with music at work is fun. Long may it reign!hello to the goths and gothettes. I'm off for some kip.

What a Blah day

Arse. Couldn't gpo to the pubmeet despite me looking forward to it. I didnt get into town til 9.40pm from work and am 3 days' pay short thanks to the git that is February, so there wasn't much point. Bugger. Hopefully I'll make it next week. Its typical- the lunches and pubmeet are on a wednesday, and when's my ONE late night in the week? wednesday!Ah well. Found some ebay stuff I should have sent weeks ago- Yikes!The pile of random lyrics and skethces next to my bed is growing to terrifying proportions. Ah well, at least it's clearing my head out a bit, which is good.The flat is empty and lonely. Sure there's 25 dwarf hamsters here whom I love to bits, but they ca't talk back. Apart from lil, who still appears to be able to say the word 'COCK' when she squeaks....Enjoyed the last bit of my shift- The Lanes were empty due to maintenence work (the oasis is getting a revamp so the place is a dump at the mo) and thus I could pump out some serious volume. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Industrial noise......yummy.

Wotta Weekend

*phew* I'm knackered but I feel great. batfink was great fun, and it was lovely to introduce Steve, Chris and jenny to it's delights. FACT: I dance like a fool and probably always will. FACT: Jozafeen, Helen, Meltie (and the other names I've forgotten) are some of the nicest people I've met in years.FACT: I miss Silvara all the more for it.I feel rather guilty for having such an amazing weekend, and wish she could have shared it with me. Things have just been so horrible lately, so difficult and desperately upsetting, that i needed some fun. I got it.thanks to everyone I met :)PS- Silvy: I love you to bits :x

Woo Hoo!

What a night- neuVogue were big nostalgic fun, but PROJEKT....OOOOHHHH!!! excellent stuff and VERY MUCH the sort of thing I'm aiming for with my new stuff- so I'm suitably inspired. This week has been so hectic I'm vowing to get some rest after saturday (depsite the fact I'm working on sunday...grrrr!). Its batfink tomorrow so YAY what a way to end a VERY tiring week.For now, I'm kinda happy.What a chuffing miracle.Andy

You know it's gonna be a swine of a day when....

1. ...you wake up of your own accord and discover your nice electric alarm clock is blank. Bugger! Thinking I was late I threw myself out of bed and proceeded to fall over, narrowly missing a billion hamster cages against the wall. You proceed to discover a power cut has wiped the estate out. bugger bugger bugger. then, you find out its actually 3 hours earlier than you had feared. *sigh*2. Your bus is late, only to be as fast as an arthritic doorstop.3. walkman batteries die in the middle of a schoolkid infested bus journey.4. you arrive at work and instantly recieve 3 huge deliveries5. you spend the next 6 hours or so sorting a gajillion comics, books and graphic novels out, whilst answering stupid phone calls and serving too.Grumble, mumble. Don't get me started about the journey home...sasser frasser ruddy nutters on busses thinking I'm their mate.....Mind you, at least I didnt get any 'Oi, matrix bloke!' comments today :)

Argh!

Writing for other people's characters is bloody hard work for little moi. Work on the outline for 'Cries of the Fallen', my first episode in the CD series 'The Agents of Psyence' is progressing slowly. The knowledge that the CD will end up for sale in a good few SF shops is making me work extra hard to get the characters right. Mind you, not knowing where the series is eventually heading is a bit of a problem. Thats how secret it is- they don't even tell the writers!

Further Rumblings

I've settled on the first track from my goth project that will be demoed in the coming week. 'Blessed are the Severed' Will end up as the title track, and I still dunno what name to do it under. Hmmm...any suggestions?Sound wise it will pick up where my earlier attempt at something different left off. When I recorded 'Prey For Me' based on the script I'd written for the now defunct karnstein productions, I'd started to meddle with different sounds and structures, and I'd like to use P4M's sound as the basic blueprint for the new stuff, so that'll be a dancey beat, synthesized bass, keyboard whacked through guitar fx, and a chunky guitar stabbing at the choruses and bridge. Vocals? Hmm.... not decided yet. Instinct says my regular mid-range tone with deeper b/vox, but seeing as this project is pretty much an experiment, maybe I should try a new style...hmmm....I'd like to use this demo track to finally lay the ghosts of my old musical mistakes to rest. I'm also trying to move away from the songs featuring too much guitar. I'm feeling a little restrained by my six strings. I stil want a certain crunch to proceedings. Time to fiddle around again!More news, lyrics and other gubbins soon.

Rumblings...

A few song titles from the album I am currently writing (This is a different one to the CD I will be recording with Steve and Starshine Lane this spring- these are for my goth/industrial project)-Fantasized Reality-Waking From a Nightmare-Blessed are the Severed-I am The Disease-Blissfully SickAnother 5 will accompany these. As with my old demos, I'll do all the vocals and guitars, but I'm gonna start looking for a suitable programmer to do the big-arse beats once it's been written fully.Steve is also working on a prog-metal project with another guy. Coupled with my gothy project, this may spell the end of our 6 year partnership. Then again, maybe not.More soon.

Moi today

I haven't put a 'current stuff' list on my site in a while. here's one:Current listening:Intra-venus- Pray Silence! (Goth/darkbeat. Fave track- Feature Length)Old Man's Child- In Defiance of Existence (symphonic black metal)Nekromantik- Fairy catcher (Goth/Industrial)Arcturus- The Sham Mirror (avant-garde black metal weirdness)NIN- Things Falling Apart (Noize!!!)Opeth- Deliverance (progressive death metal)Kaleidoscope issue 13 CD (fave tunes- Theatre of Tragedy- let you down, Diary of Dreams- Play God, Beautiful Deadly Children- Every night is Halloween)Faithful Dawn- Temperance (haven't listened to it in a while- nice trip down memory lane)New demos (only in my head so far. Riffs, lyrics and beat ideas are building slowly but surely)Yeah, I'm listening to a lot of metal at the mo. I'm in a bit of a mood. :PCurrent reading: Lords of Chaos- The rise of the Satanic Metal Underground, the complete works of Lord Byron, Gloom Cookie Volume 1, Star Wars- new jedi Order: Agents of Chaos IICurrent mood: Dazed. A creative renaissance is bubbling under the surface, ready to burst apart. It's only a matter of time. A state of melancholy the likes of which I haven't felt since 18 has washed over me. I'm a miserable git.Current film addictions: Sleepy Hollow, Ring (japanese version), Vampire flicks, BubbleGum Crisis 2040, old Brit sitcoms. (no change there then eh?)Current drink: Irn Bru :)Current food: Noodles, as ever.Current fave relaxation: writing, drawing or reading, accompoanied by goth choonz.Current hate: getting up for work.Current projects: Novella based on the Prey For Me script, which will hopefully form the basis of a series of novellas set around the Bloodkin Equilibrium, the mythos in which all the 'Bonded by Blood' scripts were written for. Watch this space. Also, plotting and notes for 'Cries of the Fallen' and 'Heretic', the two stories FineLine productions want off me for their 'Agents of Psyence' series.This is me, right here and now. ttfnAndy

Music

WWAAAARRRGH

oh fuck, another week of slime

mon 9-5tue 9-5wed offthu 3-10fri 3-10sat 2-7.30sun off

A message to one and all

Hullo all you LJ browswers and general nosey buggers. Just to let you know in a friendly and polite manner that this journal, beyond the entries you cn see below, is for private news and gossip between my wife, whom I miss greatly, and myself. please dont be offended- we do need some privacy y'know!All the best,Andy Hawnt

A git of a day

Following my multiple phone calls to British airways, Immigration, heathrow airport and even the police (!) whilst trying to help Jeff track Silvara (my lovely, lovely Silvara) down, I decided to crash. My sleep was troubled, to say the least. I woke up in an empty bed, and felt as though my chest were about to cave in. For the briefest moment I thought 'Oh, Silvy must be up already', and then I came to my senses.Damn.I miss you so much Silvara xxxxI got up and started pulling myself together, easing myself into the day (as I wasn't supposed to start work until 12.30) when the phone went. It was Gill; Simon was starnded a city away due to an electrical cockup on the train lines. Thus it fell upon me to rush over to the shop and open it up- an hour late. Grr. *Cue Muttley rasping whinge*Got stuck in traffic.Hurt my back emptying a 12 box delivery of bloody calendars.lost half my lunch break standing in queues for food and painkillers.spent the afternoon wading through crap old movie posters at the workshop, discovering about half a dozen good ones and about 24.000 lousy ones.Finished at 6 (its 8.10pm now) and struggled to get a bus home. stopped off for a few things at the shops, missed another bus, and finally returned home to a dark, empty flat.Bugger of a day, and I've got it all to do again tomorrow, with the added bonus of a late finish. grr, argh.And last night's awfulness was capped off with the discovery that little Crackers didn't make it. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this via my journal. the beautiful little pup was too weak. With many tears I kissed her tiny head and wrapped her. At least while she was with us she was loved. there is alot to be said for the value of love. Mind you, it can be boiled down to one word;Priceless.The ransacking of my possessions for ebay merchandise begins tonight. I'll do everything i can so that I can hold you again soon my love. you are everything to me.And thank you very much for your reply to my earlier post- I'm so glad to hear you two are having girly fun already! I love you lass, and will chat soon. PS I dreamed of you all day. How cute am I??????

A neccessary pain

Yesterday I watched my beloved Silvara walk through the departure gates at terminal 4 of Heathrow airport. It was the single most difficult moment of my life. I know full well that she will be back in a few months, but still I broke down. I felt totally helpless. I wanted so very desperately to be with her. I will find strength the likes of which has not been known. I will stand tall and do everything I possibly can to get my beautiful wife back as quickly as possible.Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that she's been able to stay with such a great friend as Duchess, but I miss her so terribly it's extremely difficult to think straight. I can't shake the memory of her walking through that door with the immigration officer and vanishing into the crowd. But then, as well as that, I keep thinking of all the wonderful glances and gentle kisses as we were driven there by my old friend Steve, the feel of her hand in mine, her laughter as we joked the same as we always have done.That's the thing- every time I feel down, wherever I am, I just have to think of one of the MANY beautiful moments we have shared.believe me, there's many more to come.I love you Silvara. I'll see you soon my darling.Andy xxxxxxx

A simple solution

The night before last, I was sat on a bean bag in front of our sofa, watching bad '80s horror movies (Friday the 13th pt 6 and 7, House, etc). Halfway through one, the video went bonkers. Kaput. up shit creek. The picture was screwed. now, a normal person wouldn't be too bothered, 'hey, I'll get it fixed', or 'I'll buy a new one', but being the sorry wretch that I am, I can't afford it. Bollocks. What do I do? I'll tell you what: I HIT IT.it bloody worked too.sometimes the simplest solutions are the most effective. Remember that.

Matters of the mind pt1

In dreams I am free, free to visit places and eras that I will never have physical access to. In dreams I can be successful, determined and better looking. Dreams do not always remain dreams.I feel successful to a ceratin extent already; I live with a wonderful, beautiful woman who loves me a great deal, my job involves an industry that I love, my hobbies may become my new career, and I am cared about. I am a very lucky man, and for these wonderful reasons, I am grateful. Not to a God or some higher power, but to my dreams, for they have enriched my waking life so much. I may not be a millionaire with a huge house and servants and horses, but I have food and a roof over my head and love in my heart (and a ton of insane hamsters).And thus, for all intents and purposes, I am a happy man.Dreams come true. Not always how you would imagine they should, but they do. You just have to know what to look for.Andy

Wheels in motion

At long last, I am starting to feel like me again. Those who know me will know of the woes I have had to contend with of late. i feel like it is passing, and the version of myself that I had dearly missed for so very long is making a long overdue comeback. I am writing new stories and scripts, new songs and ideas. I will soon become involved with Zero productions once again, who are remaking the first film we worked on together almost half a decade ago, the surreal chiller called 'Zero'. Music is making a return to my life, with four projects on the boil; the live starshine lane CD, the studio Starshine lane CD, my solo songs and my melodic metal project SOULSIGN. Oh, and I will be contributing guitar parts for an underground album called INSTANT DEATH SOLUTION: RIOT MUSIC...I feel like drawing again. Characters old and new are trying to escape my head and hands. I will see to it that they are not disappointed. My day job seems to be steady-ish at the moment, and I'm quite enthusiastic when there, which helps.you know why all this is happening?Because of a certain lady named Silvara.She is my strength and my backbone when all seems lost and everything is against me. She is the one who persuades me to go on creating, to continue being me. She is everything to me, a wondrous person who makes me feel like a man and not the scared boy that I was for so long. I will do everything I can to keep her in my life forever. Silvy, thank you for being there and being you. I love you.The song about you that I am working on, 'Silver' will be a small token of my appreciation. My words sometimes fail me when I try to tell you how I feel. Maybe this will go some way to show you what you mean in my life.more soon, including the second part of that little story below. Silvara knows what happens already, but if anyone else reads it, you'll have to wait and see. It does go somewhere... wait and see"belief is life is love is truth is you" (Lyric from 'Silver')Andy xx

Prelude To Infinity Part one

With the dawning of a new day came the beginning of the end. He awoke in a heap, a mass of limbs that did not feel his own. The forest clearing swooned with morningsong, the ground strewn with Autumn's gift of golden brown leaves. A glance to the sky told him he had been here all night, but why? What had happened here?Flashes of memory... The stinging shock of the previous day's horrors.The man stood, his head swimming. He staggered a few feet to one side and collapsed to his knees, head in his hands. He could not remember his name, his past, or even his present. All he could remember was Amanda, lying there against the tree yesterday, bleeding to death, the desperate cries for help he had let out as he cradled her dying form, and the sound of her assailant vanishing through the trees. He had only been gone a few minutes, gone for the ring he had hidden in the faux bird's nest he had created the previous night. It was time to ask her. Finally, after all this time, he was going to do it. He had walked back into the clearing, where she had been daydreaming, and his world had fallen apart.He had screamed for help, held her, kissed her as she slipped away, cried over her, his tears mingling with her blood as it spread over her pretty dress and onto the ground.the knife was still beside her, smeared red. in a haze of absolute despair and terrible loneliness, he had put the blade to his wrist. they had always wanted to die together. he would see to it that Amanda got her wish.What happened after that defied all rational thought. An impossible few minutes, moments he would never forget, whoever he was, whatever these events would turn him into. He had opened his eyes to a brilliant, searing light, a slender hand extended towards him from within it. He had looked up into eyes of purest white, and he knew that nothing would ever be the same again.To be continued.

Something to raise a smile

here's a little skit by Ronnie Barker, a man that has so far never failed to cheer me up.This is taken from the heady days of the Two Ronnies.HUMPHREY AND GODFREY (1)RB (Ronnie Barker) and RC (Ronnie Corbett) are sat in armchairs in their London club.RC; I say, Godfrey.RB: What is it, Humphrey?RC: How's your headache?RB; She's out playing bridge.RC: Come now Godfrey, you shouldn't talk about the old girl like that you know. Love makes the world go round.RB: So does a punch on the nose, old lad. No, I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second one won't.RC; It was a case of love at first sight with me.RB; Then why didn't you marry her?RC: I saw her again on several occasions. RB: So you married someone else?RC; yes, she's very slow.RB: Slow? What at?RC:Everything. It takes her a day to make instant coffee. Trouble is I'm hen pecked.RB: Oh! Mustn't be, old lad! Stand up to her. Show her who's boss.RC; I'm going to. I've made up my mind I'm going to pluck up the courage and tell her something I've been wanting to tell her for ages.RB: What's that?RC: I need a new apron!*****

An initial post: Ride the Sky

Ride The Sky (Lyrics by Kai Hansen)Much too long I've been a prisoner here The hour has come to break out Shackled and chained almost goin' insane It's better to live on the run Set me free, set me free Send me a sign, wanna leave it all behind I'll be leaving the hands of doom Rearrange the master plan, take the future in my hands To be free and not trapped anymore Chorus Ride the sky, Ride the sky Give me wings to fly, Ride the sky I have to think for myself and then act In conformity of my own thoughts No one should tell me what's wrong and what's right Why don't you leave me alone Set me free, set me free _______________________________________Welcome friendsWell, finally Silvara has talked me into having a journal. Now maybe i can get some peace :P I do not intend to have any kind of structure to what i write here. A stream of consciousness, a bucket of gloop, a smattering of gibberish, whatever takes my fancy and wiggles it. Thou shalt learn of my past, my present and my future, my thoughts, neuroses and psychoses. I have rather dubious taste in every art form I can think of, opinions on the world and life, and a fine line in black t-shirts. Hi, I'm Andy. Sci Fi geek extraordinairre, metalhead, comic lover, comedy worshipper, sarcastic git and the last surviving gentleman (at least around here...).Let the madness begin................

Personal Statement

I'm fucking great. Bow before me, Minion.

Pagan

I have had a strong interest in the occult since childhood. I've always found ancient customs and ancient knowledge a fascinating thing and as I went through my teenage years began to read more and more and began to practice.I'm no expert. Not at all. I just share beliefs with a great deal of likeminded people. Call me a Pagan if you must have a label for me. I know who I am and what I believe. I have a deep love of the natural world and the energies that flow through it. I like to think I share some of those energies.

The Forever Guardian

My life's work. A sprawling dark fantasy epic that I have worked on since being a teenager. its scale is vast, its evolution going hand in hand with my own.This is where my name comes from. I have written TFG as a trilogy of screenplays, comics, short stories and am still working on the full length novels. I had a movie of part 1 in development a few years ago. One day.... one day you'll get to see what goes on in my head... one day you'll meet a set of characters like no other.One day... you will witness the adventure that defines me as an artist and a writer.We all have that one *thing* that makes us you we are, that is such a part of us that we cannot exist without it in our lives.The Forever Guardian is mine.

Goth!

Okay okay, so I defected from the metal scene. Big deal. The UK underground goth scene is *much* more fun and much more openminded when it comes to music, fashion and having a silly time. The current scene is in a huge state of flux here in the UK. The whole trad Vs cyber thing has died down a bit, but the whole thing his acting a tad schizophrenic at the mo. At least it ain't boring!The local goth scene has kept me alive through the darkest time of my life. Wonderful people, some amazing music and a hell of a lot of fun.